Existence Chapter 6

Gaara watched as the sun rose higher into the sky. He looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms. When he saw her stir he became nervous. Quickly laying her down on her back he inched away from her.

What the hell was I doing?

It would appear that you let her sleep in your arms, or are you so stupid that you didn’t notice that part? You consented to it, after all.

The demon inside of him chose now to make himself known, and he was not happy with the comment.

I didn’t consent to anything. She just fell asleep.

Are you forgetting that you let her sleep all night where she was? You hardly moved. I’m inside of you remember? I can tell what you’re thinking. You’ve gone soft. What the hell kind of host are you anyway?

Gaara angrily blocked out Shukaku’s voice, pushing it to the back of his mind. Instead he concentrated on Sakura as she slowly sat up, rubbing her eyes and looking confused.

“ Wasn’t I just...” she mumbled to herself, looking at Gaara intently. “ Did I..did that... happen...” she shook her head. Must’ve been imagining that.

Gaara stood up.

“ We should get going.”

“ What? I just got up! Cut me some slack here,” she pouted.

Gaara felt himself cringe inwardly. Why the hell did that make me want to smile...? He regarded himself with horror, as Shukaku decided to come back and annoy him some more.

Told ya, you bastard, you’re going soft! You actually like this girl.  What the hell happened to you, boy?...

Shut the hell up. I don’t like her, I’m on a mission.

“ We’re leaving,” Gaara said, glaring at her.

Sakura stood up, trying to make it look like it wasn’t causing her pain.

She walked past him, glaring daggers as she went. Why wouldn’t he let her rest even a little? The jerk.

Ooh, but you don’t think he’s a jerk. You like him.

Sakura turned up her nose at the voice inside her head. But she couldn’t help remembering the things Ino had said, and the things she had thought about recently. The things she had said to him...

Well, she said, responding to the voice in her head. He seems stressed now...maybe he’s just to bothered about having to rescue a weak girl and drag her across the desert because he was told to.

A pang of hurt crossed her as she walked, now behind Gaara. Why am I putting myself down? She moaned to herself.

She kept moving, what force was keeping her standing was a mystery to her.

She focused on Gaara’s gourd again, always as it swayed back and fourth. When she felt her eyes would bulge out of her head, she concentrated on his hair. She remembered vaguely, running her hand through his hair. But then she wondered when she could have done this.

She thought of asking him, but something gave her the feeling that she was just the annoying pink-haired girl that was wasting his time. She sighed as her footsteps became more labored.

She could think a little more clearly now, and a flash of her falling into Gaara’s chest crossed her mind. She stopped dead, slowly remembering the events of last night. Her face flooded with surprise, joy, shock, and a shade of red that came close to resembling the color of a tomato.

But I woke up, and I was lying alone. Straining to search her memory, she remembered that Gaara had laid her there. She remembered opening one eye just a little bit, and had been too tired to do anything else.

She remembered what she had said to him to, she remembered the feel of his rough hand on her large forehead. She remembered telling him that she liked him...

She looked at Gaara, who either didn’t notice that she had stopped, or chose to ignore it. He kept walking forward.

Slowly regaining some of her sense she moved forward a little. What the hell is wrong with me? Why did I do those things? What the hell, what the hell, what the hell?!?!

Sakura’s head started to throb and as the soreness of her body added to the pain she whimpered a little.

Stumbling now, barely keeping up with Gaara she suddenly tripped. Not reacting fast enough to stuff her hands in front of her, she landed face down in the sand. She could feel some of her wounds open up.

She jerked her head up from the sand, spitting the sand out, feelings stupid, clumsy and very frustrated. For the first time in a long time, she got a good idea.

Titling her head up to the sky she inhaled deeply.

She screamed at the top of her lungs, pounding her fists in the sand in the process. She screamed her loudest and longest until she couldn’t breathe.

Her chest heaved up and down as she breathed heavily. She noticed Gaara looking at her as if she were insane.

She smiled. “ That’s the best way to release pent up emotions,” she told him. He mumbled something and made a move to keep going.

“ Gaara,” she growled. “ Get over here!”

He gave her a questioning look. “ Why?”

“ Just come here,” she was still sitting in the sand when he grudgingly walked over to her.

“ What?”

She reached her arm up and grabbed his, slowly pulling herself up. “ Sorry, I needed your help getting up, that’s all,” she offered an explanation for what she had just done. Her tone was sweeter now that she had gotten what she wanted. “ Thank you, kind sir,” she said sarcastically, bowing slightly.

He nudged her hand away and turned around.

You are pathetic, boy, just one touch and you can’t control your damn heart beat.

For once in your life, would it be possible for you to stay quiet?</b>

Hehe, no.

“ Hey Gaara,” Sakura had caught up to him, and she was walking as fast as she could to keep up with his pace.

“ Can you...um...” she stuttered, unsure of how to ask this without sounding like a baby. She sighed slightly. “ Could you use your sand to...bring us back to Suna? You can float on it...right?” Her voice was nervous, she was a little embarrassed asking this.

“ Yes, I can float on my sand, but I’m not going to.”

She pouted, once again earning the same reaction from Gaara. She inched close to him and then hooked her arm with his, leaning on him and using him like a crutch.

“ Well, that’s fine. But I can’t walk very fast anymore. So you’re going to help me out whether you like it or not!”

He turned to her, giving his most threatening glare, obviously stating that she should let go of him before he threw her to the ground.

She glared back, with just as much intensity. “ It’s your fault for not letting me rest, and for not using your stupid sand to help me out! So, you’re going to have to put up with me, alright? I’ll leave you alone when we get back to Suna.” Her voice was cold, and a clear note of hurt could be heard in her speech.

He turned his head away, deciding that he wouldn’t add to her already injured body.

Pfft. You don’t have the nerve to hurt this girl. You really are pathetic.

He quickly dismissed the annoying voice to the back of his head., where other thoughts began to form, such as the sensation he got from her warmth, and the pondering notions as to why she was acting so unhappy.

Sakura’s spirit, however, lightened a little as time went on. She couldn’t deny that her heart was beating faster than it should, and that the thoughts of being a burden to Gaara were slowly disappearing. She assured herself she was thinking much to hard about everything.

It bothered her though, that she felt so secure being this close to him.

Before long thoughts of completely random things began to fill her mind. Her feet felt lighter and she was sure that the smile on her face wouldn’t ever disappear.

He’s not being mean, he’s just being Gaara. Sakura thought pleasantly. She once again told herself she was over thinking everything, and that she was over reacting, as she so often did.

They continued onwards and before long Sakura was humming to herself. At first it was only the tune, but then she started to sing the lyrics under her breath.

“ You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when skies are grey, you’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take my sunshine away...”  She went back to humming the tune, as those were the only words she knew.

Gaara glanced at her. She was humming again, and singing something about sunshine.

She's not singing something about sunshine, but rather, you are my sunshine. The demon taunted Gaara. He was distracted though, when he noticed something.

Great, he thought.

“ We’re stopping,” he said.

She looked up at him. “ Why?”

“ Because,” he said, sitting down, bringing her with him.

“ Why?” she wined.

" Because.” Sand started to surround them, and before long they were encased in a dome of sand.

“ What did you do that for, you-” Sakura was cut off though, when a loud noise outside startled her. She jumped a little.

She identified the noise as howling winds, and she could hear additional sand being thrashed against Gaara’s dome. It was overwhelmingly loud.  

She glanced over at Gaara, who had his eyes closed.

So, a sand storm, huh? Aww, he was just protecting me... Sakura’s eyes widened. She made a face, then dismissed all of her thoughts. To be honest, she was scaring herself.

Gaara kept his eyes closed, blocked off his ears from the only thing he could hear, which was her breathing. Even with the thrashing and howling outside, the only thing that came to his ears was her breathe being pulled in and out slowly.

He tried to block off his senses all together. He didn’t like this, not one bit. For the past few days he had ignored the strange feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he was around her. He ignored her, he ignored the millions of questions in his head, he ignored rationalizing why she would even look at him.

He ignored it all. But now, it was getting hard to ignore. It was getting hard to tell himself that he hated her guts, it was hard to tell himself that he would rather die than be around her. It was hard because now the only thing he was capable of telling himself were lies.

He tired with all his might to shut off the world around him, to get away from it, to get away from her. But even with his eyes closed the images of her would pop into his head, the images of her smiling face and her pink hair.

Damn this! He squeezed his eyes tighter as if that would help close his mind too. Why was he feeling like this?

“ Gaara? Hello? You okay? Earth to Gaara!” Sakura waved her hand in front of his face, causing him to break out of his deep thinking. There it was, the voice most people would have considered annoying, and he, of all people, found it to be music to his ears.

“ Shut up already!” he growled.  

“ Hey, I was just checking if you were still there, besides, I wanted to talk to you and you’ve been quiet for the whole time we’ve been in here!”

“ Why?” he asked.

“ Why? Well, I’m not sure why you were quiet this whole time, maybe you could tell me.”

“ I mean, why would you want to talk with me?”

“ Because,” she smiled.

“ Why?” he was getting angry that she wasn’t answering the question.

“ Because, there’s no one else to talk to, and, just because.”

“ Because why?”

She crawled closer to him, looking him dead in the eye. Through the darkness she couldn’t see much, nothing but the gleam of his eyes, and that was all she needed.

“ I wanted to talk to you because,” she pointed a finger to his nose. “ You are my friend, and I like you, therefore, I like talking to you.” She then flicked his forehead with her finger, and sat back down.

“ What the hell did you do that for?” he really didn’t know what else to say.

“ That was for ignoring me this whole time!”

“ Oh.” Damn it, why did he have to open his mouth? Why did he have to open his eyes? Why wouldn’t the feeling in the pit of his stomach go away?

“ Gaara, do you know how long sand storms usually are?”

“ No.”

“ Well, since we don’t know how long we’ll be in here, it’s all the more reason to talk. So, you, talk about something, anything.”

“ I’d rather not.”

“ Then I’ll talk if you won’t.” Sakura got into things that she knew wouldn’t interest him in the least, but she couldn’t stand the quiet darkness. He didn’t talk at all, and it was as if she was talking to herself.

She looked at what she thought was his forehead. An image of the kanji there came to mind. Ai, or love. She considered if he knew what that meant. A image of Sasuke came to her mind at that moment too, and she saw something clear that had, in the past, been foggy. She spoke her thoughts aloud.

“...I never loved Sasuke. It was a childish attraction...he was a withdrawn genius.” She made a face. “ What did I ever see in him? He didn’t care about anyone...I wonder why I called it love...” She stared at her hands.

Gaara looked over at her. She talks to much...Although he got a weird pleasure in the fact that she wasn’t obsessed with the Uchiha.

She shook her head, coming back to reality, and blushed slightly when she realized that she had been babbling to Gaara about.

“ S-sorry. I think I’ll stop talking now...”  She scooted so that she was able to lay down.

“ How long is this going to last?”

“ I told you before, I don’t know.”

“ Right.”

Silence.

“ So Gaara-”

“ Stop talking already, I can’t take it, you’ve given me a headache.”

Headache my ass. You’ve given yourself one with all your thinking and debating. If I recall correctly, you thought her voice was sweet as music, or something equally as stupid.

I didn’t think anything like that you bastard.

Must I point out that I can hear what your thoughts?  

Gaara sensed her move around. Then he felt her punch him lightly on the shoulder.

“ A headache huh? Well, I’m so sorry. But you know, there’s something my mom used to do to make all my hurts go away...”

Once again she positioned herself in front of him, then using his shoulder as support, she leaned up and kissed the kanji on his forehead.

“ There,” she said smiling. “ All better.”

Gaara stared at her in shock, not believing her actions. What was worse, the throbbing in his head actually went away.

She sat down again, and stretched out.  

“ Heh, no more headache now?”

“ Shut up.”

She laughed. “ I am a medic nin, I know what to do.”

“ Shut up.”

“ Oh, come on, you’re only human, if I did that to anyone else they probably would have fainted or something,” she said in a playful tone. “ Not that I usually do that to people though.”


For the first time in his life, he let shock take over his expression. She noticed his silence.

“ You okay?”

“ You...called me human...”

She frowned. “ Of course, because that’s what you are, you shouldn’t be that surprised.”

“ No one’s ever called me human before...”

She looked at him. An overwhelming need to comfort him in some way took her. She didn’t know what to say, but she felt his pain.

Solemnly, she faced him. Then she wrapped her arms around him. She didn’t know why, but she was crying like a baby.

She didn’t say anything, and neither did he. She simply sat there, holding on to him as if her life depended on it. He was stiff in her embrace, but soon relaxed and closed his eyes. He didn’t jerk away or tell her to get off of him.


She cried softly into his shoulder.  

What...is this feeling?

Surprisingly they both had the same thought at the exact same moment. And surprisingly, the annoying voices residing in both their minds decided to remain quiet.

He smelt good. He was warm, and even if he wasn’t trying to be, he was oh so comforting.

She was soft, and warm. Her tears soaked through his clothing. Was she crying for him? He didn’t know what was happening, the world seemed to be a blur, and somewhere throughout that blur he absently had placed his arms around her, as she had done.

She felt him hug her back, and for a minute she thought she would melt right there and then. After all, her insides were already as good as mush. She didn’t know why he wasn’t objecting to the hug, but she didn’t care. She could hardly think, but in the midst of it all she knew that she was enjoying this too much.

Her tears dried a little, and she sighed into his shoulder. She wanted to make his pain go away, she wanted him to erase her pain. She wanted to be by his side forever. She wondered why such thoughts whirled in her head.

They stayed like this for a period in which time didn’t matter. Soon enough though, the howling of the wind and the sound of the sand thrashing around died down, until the only thing that could be heard was the breathe of one another.

She pulled back slightly, her cheeks flushed and her mind swimming. She sniffed.

“ Sorry about that...” she sat down next to him, drying tear stained face. She wanted to stay in his arms forever...but she didn’t know what he would do if she hadn’t moved. She was over Sasuke, but rejection was one thing that she didn’t want to feel again.

He mumbled something, and then the sand dome surrounding them disappeared.

“ We should get going now...” he sounded so distant and distracted.

“ Alright,” she stepped into the sunlight, it was bright and she squinted a little. Her heart beat had finally slowed to it’s normal pace.

Stumbling a little, she almost fell. She was relived, but just as soon as she took another step, she tripped and fell.

Great! She thought. This is what happens when you sit down for too long. She was surprised though, to see Gaara standing above her, extending a hand. He had a sneer on his face, but his hand was there all the same.

She took his hand, as he gripped hers and pulled her up.

She smiled at him. “ Thank you kind sir!” This time she wasn’t being sarcastic.

He would have rolled his eyes, but, he wasn’t one to do that. Instead he put his infamous scowl on his face. He still couldn’t understand why this girl was making him feel so disoriented and...happy.

The butterflies at the pit of her stomach threatened to come out in the form of a squeal. She couldn’t remember ever feeling so care-free, so happy to be near someone.

Suddenly she fell on her back side. She had been standing still, so why was she on the ground again? Then it hit her, she had lost her balance, and because the sand beneath her was moving. She looked to her side to see Gaara standing on the hunk of sand they were both floating on.

“ I thought you said you weren’t going to use your sand for transportation?”

“ I want to get back to Suna quicker. If we kept going at the pace we are it would take over a week.”

“ Yeah, well, thank you.”

He turned his head away as he made the sand float forward.

As she smiled to herself in content, enjoying the confused look on his face she realized that what she felt for Gaara wasn’t at all like what she had felt for Sasuke, no, it was worse.